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Sunday, September 11, 2011

My Not Enough

I am not afraid to die.  Maybe I am afraid to live.  But I am not afraid to die.  How can I be scared of something my four year old has already faced?  But do I have what it takes to live-  strength,  endurance, courage to seek Him,  integrity to keep pursuing Truth?  Not enough.  I look inside and there are big gaping holes of not enough.  Faith?  Hope?  Love?  Not enough.

I read in the book 1,000 Gifts that Jesus embraced his not enough.  He gave thanks for it and a miracle followed every time.  Can I give thanks for my not enough?  Not enough time with Kiah.  Will it ever be enough?  Enough time with our loved ones?  The bible says God set eternity in the hearts of men.  All loving relationships here end in sadness and separation.  No matter how wonderful.  They all end in death.   But something deep in the recesses of our hearts tells us this is not how it should be.  That place in our souls longs for eternity... for a  place of no goodbye's.   No, it is never enough.

That is the hope of heaven.  The joy of the Godman who came to be the Way- the Messiah who came to save us... to save us from the not enough.  From the ever gaping holes of emptiness in our souls.  The places we try to cram full.  Desperately we do more, learn more, talk more, eat more, try to have more fun... more stuff.   But it is not enough.  Can I thank him for the not enough?  Will it precede the miracle?  For me?  For you?

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