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Sunday, November 10, 2013

Dora, Coffee, and Staying Desperate

Sitting in church with music swirling all around... it seems so clear who I want to be.  I want to be that person who gets up with the sun to read my bible (consistently).  I want to dig deep into scripture and uncover truths that bring life to the soul.  I want my house to be blanketed with peace because it is filled often and in many ways with worship.  I want to be my husband’s biggest cheerleader.  I want to be a patient and present mother who effectively disciples my children’s hearts and disciplines their behaviors.  I want my life to be marked by God’s presence and not the absence of it.

It all seems so clear.

And clearly unattainable.  

If I depend on me. 

I just can’t seem to change myself.  I just can’t seem to get it all together... to juggle the balls without dropping one.   Not in my own strength.  And I, of all people, should have learned by now that to live is to be desperate for God.  I sat in the pew chairs this morning and remembered not that long ago when the pain of each moment jarred my whole being, and I felt that the next breath was an overwhelming task.  I knew then.  Back then I was desperate.  I understood that I was totally helpless to run this race.  I knew an ocean of darkness would swallow me if He did not carry me.  And He did.

The danger of getting stronger is that I forget to let Him carry me.  Now.  When the waters of grief have receded a bit, but the piles of dishes and diapers have grown.  Perhaps it is not tragedy that threatens our souls the most.  Maybe it is the monotonous.         

The rhythm of the everyday routine. It lulls us to sleep.  Our weary eyes close and our thoughts drift far from how we were created to live.  Cascades of activities and work and chores wash over us.  Stripping the vibrance and the glory gleam from our eyes.  Slowly, the ebb and flow erode our dependance and our focus.  

But there is another water that can wash over us.  Changing our hearts and cleansing our minds.  Restoring the glory reflected from the One in whose image we are made. It’s the water of the Word.  I have been saying to myself for weeks now that I needed to get together some verses to focus on that will help me in an area where I am struggling to trust God.  So this morning I finally did it.  No, I didn’t get up with the sun, and yes, I did use Dora to distract the little that was already awake.  But somehow I think  God doesn’t so much mind Dora and my coffee.   He just wants me to keep the Word pouring from my lips and spilling down into my heart.

And of course speaking truth over yourself and others is exactly what the sermon was about today.  And I know this is the way to stay desperate.  The path to Him bringing about the changes that need to happen in me.  In my weakness He is made strong.  If I will keep His truth before me and not go thinking I can run this race myself.   Not. One. Single. Day.  Dora and coffee just aren't enough all by themselves, you know.

God calls those things which are not as though they were.  Romans 4:17

Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward.  For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise.  Hebrews 10:35-36

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