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Sunday, May 11, 2014

Birthday Fog

Today is Mother's Day and the sun is just creeping up when I sneak out on the porch.  Whispy white vapors blanket the neighborhood so thickly I can barely see the trees across the street. It is foggy.

And I think it should be. Exactly eight years ago at this very time, I was checking into the hospital and filling out paper work for labor and delivery. Eight hours later Makiah would make her grand entrance and I would become a mommy. And there are so many things I don't understand. So many things that are shrouded by a foggy veil.

Alena asked at lunch today where Makiah's birthday present was. A few short weeks ago I was tucking her in for a nap on the afternoon of Easter. I told her to sleep good so we could hunt eggs when she woke up. Then she exclaimed with such excitement "And Makiah will be here!" I asked why she thought Makiah would be here, and she replied "Because we have her Easter basket." Of course, what child would leave behind her Easter basket? I remembered I had used her basket to decorate in the dining room and then tried to explain to my three year old that Makiah was in heaven. She seemed so diappointed, and said we needed to send Kiah her basket.

Abby told me one night as I was tucking her in that she wanted to jump on Makiah's bed with her. She said "Mommy, I will share my toys with her." She just wanted to play with her big sister . All I can do is pray that God will give me wisdom and help me to answer these little people in a way that will draw them to Him. I never feel prepared for these surprise conversations.

 Today I should be throwing a party for my eight year old princess instead of sitting on my couch crying and eating chocolate covered strawberries.  Maybe some of you are crying today for that reason, too.  Maybe the tears slip from your eyes because you have lost your mother or because you have never gotten the chance to be a mother.  And I am glad again today that our feelings don't define our faith.  I read Job 19:25 this morning, "For I know my Redeemer lives, and in the end He will stand on the earth. And though my flesh it be destroyed, yet with my eyes I will see God." And with my real eyes I will see Makiah, too!  We can have hope because the resurrection is real and our Redeemer is real!

And even though it is foggy here now, one day we will see clearly. And then all the birthdays will be happy.   And we won't be counting the years since we have said goodbye.  Until then, dear Makiah, I hope the Lord will let you know how much you are loved and missed on your eighth birthday, even by the little sisters you haven't had the chance to meet yet!

1 Corinthians 13:12 "For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face..."

 The twins wore Makiah's dresses today.  Giving each other sweet sister hugs and giggles...

Can you believe there was a rainbow over our old house in Cairo on her birthday!?  Several people sent me pictures! 

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Thank you to the sweet family who put the beautiful flowers on her grave!

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