As I am scurrying around the kitchen trying to fix dinner, I can't help but think about it. I try not to go there often. To the deep places I mean. Who does? Who has time when life wraps around you with a dizzying swirl of busyness? But something about anniversaries catches your breath and stills the racing thoughts. It's 3:17 right now. And you were still alive then. We were driving between Jacksonville and Valdosta. You were watching a cartoon about the miracles of Jesus.
I wish you could see your sisters now. I think they have changed clothes several times since we got home from preschool! They asked me in the car this morning if you go to school. They said they wanted you to see them dance and wanted to show you their rainbow toes. I told them we could ask Jesus to show them to you. So they asked Him to right then! Such childlike faith.
It reminds me of you. I was reading an old journal the other day. I had written about how you told me that day you just couldn't wait to see Jesus with your real eyes (not just the eyes of your heart). I guess He couldn't wait either.
A dear family member is having his last flight in the air force right now. Within the hour he will land. I am sure there will be a twinge of sadness in him. But when he lands, a great ceremony awaits him. A celebration that he has completed his final mission. He will be home. At last. And maybe it is no accident that it could only be scheduled today. Because in my heart this morning I held a picture of you, Makiah. When your journey was over and you finally arrived home, what a glorious celebration must have awaited you! Family you would grow to love that had gone before waiting with arms open wide. And Jesus. You finally saw Him with your real eyes.
Baby, I miss you. And there was a blood moon this morning. I know my grief is not all that important in the scope of the universe... but it almost seemed as if the heavens felt the sorrow of the loss of you. Almost. I stared hard. The moon all red like blood. The sky gone dark. Like pain. And anguish. On your heaven day. Or maybe like His blood. All red and poured out like an offering. The sun hid that day, too. When darkness covered the earth and the veil was torn and a way was made.
I couldn't take my eyes off that blood moon. Until the sun came up. All pink and orange and glorious. Filling the sky with light and radiance and banishing the blood and the darkness. The clouds hanging soft across the blue like a pad of fluffy cotton.
And my heart saw the picture of your final flight. And of the celebration. I thanked God then for the sunrise every day that hints at the glorious dawn that will come when Jesus comes and drives the blood and darkness away forever!
And we will be together again. Forever this time. I can watch as my girls all dance and play together then. No. I think I will dance, too. And I will hold you. And see you with my real eyes.
It is 3:58 now. We had two more hours with you. Breathing in and out. But it's only time. One day I will step outside of it, too. This is as far into the day as I want to remember. I need to stop writing so maybe I will not go there.
Your sisters are getting hungry and tired. Time to slip into the busyness. But I hope you know I never forget. Your smile. Your giggles. Your tender heart. We remember with our hearts and with our rainbow toes! Clinging to the promise that Jesus has triumphed over death!
I love you, Makiah!
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. 1 Corinthians 2:9
There is alot of silliness around here... we miss you and love you Kiah!!
|From the preschool Makiah attended. Wow and thank you to all who remembered her!!|