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Not Anymore

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night.  I couldn’t stop thinking about her.  The mom of four who is about to face one of the hardest days of her life.  Or the littles who cling to her and how they cannot possibly understand.  Neither do we.   But they feel and they cry.  Perhaps she lies awake tonight,  too.  Her pillow wet with tears.  The sunrise brings with it a funeral.  The light ushering in an hour that makes all of our knees tremble.  She lays her young husband to rest today. Remembering all the good and treasuring his memory and love.

I can scarcely stand to think of the day I awoke to a funeral.  The day we buried my baby girl.  So I don’t and I won’t.  Not even here.  It is too painful still to let myself go back.  And perhaps not wise.  I don’t live there anymore.  There was a time when I had to grab my thoughts daily  as they reached backwards and remind them constantly that that is not where I live.  Not in Those Moments.

But. Not. Anymore.  I hurt for my friend because she is in that day.  I weep for her because the road is long.  But I rejoice for her because of the secret I can whisper across the miles.  There is Hope!  Hope of heaven.  And Hope for Here.  On earth.  We aren’t doomed to carry our sadness to the grave- as I once believed.  Jesus came to defeat death.  And all the grief that it brings with it.  It is not fast.  It is not easy.  But it is sure and true and I can whisper Hope across the miles- the same hope that ushered in the resurrection life of Jesus in my own deep brokenness.  I was once the living dead.  But not anymore.  My joy is a miracle and makes no sense.  Except that He is real and He really will bind up our wounds.

The link below is to the Easter message my sweet husband preached this week.  It’s our whole service (both I think) but you can skip to the message easily.  He shares about our daughter and things about the accident that few have heard him utter. And he shares about Resurrection.  I pray you will be filled with Hope as you listen....

Cameron’s Easter Message at Newsong

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

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