Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Whispers and Kisses

Stroking softest cheeks.  Tracing perfect ears.  Running downy hair through fingers that cannot get enough.  A perfectly pretty package.  Such gifts of grace as these.  Four of them I have been given.  Three still near to me.  While gifts bring such joy, their loss brings such pain.  But when my sleepy thoughts hear the beckoning to wander down that stony path of agony and weeping, I will say not today.  I cannot stop the tear that slips beneath my eyelid, but I can avoid the torrents calling out my name.  I press  trembling lips to littlest cheeks  and tell her these are kisses.  And she will love them so.  But not as much as mommy.  I whisper near her ear.  A prayer of thanks to her Maker and that I will never forget.  Gifts formed in secret.  Healing wrapped in every touch.


 
My Maddie Grace

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Madelyn Grace

She is here in all her perfect squeezable little pinkness...

Madelyn Grace King

aka "Maddie Grace"
6lb 13oz and 20 inches long
born September 21st


Our fourth princess!

The Twins greet Maddie Grace in their big sister shirts... still not sure what they think of this little squirmy bundle!

Monday, September 17, 2012

Grace Like Rain

My bags are packed and itty, bitty clothes have that oh so sweet smell of baby detergent.  Red, yellow, green, blue, and purple... my toes are painted like a rainbow to remind me of the biggest sister in this special  hour that fast approaches.  Three and a half more days and I will be staring into the tiny, squished up face of a miracle.  My little  miracle.  Me- who thought that miracles were dead. 

 And this will be my third miracle in 18 months.  Life from death.

In my yard another life from death drips early morning dew.  Delicate petals of pink and yellow like miniature bouquets swirl around the butterfly bush.  A gift from the first anniversary of Makiah's heaven day.   This sweet plant withered away to nothing last winter.   Just on a whim I buried the root.  Down deep under heavy, dark earth.  And left it there through the cold of grey winter days.  Forgotten and covered by pine straw.

It caught my eye on the way to church Sunday morning. Big lush leaves and delicate bouquets in full bloom seemed to grab me.  It had lived.  Survived the bleak season of winter.  Stronger and more vibrant than before.  Enticing butterflies to dine near my back door.

As we stood and sang the lyrics "grace like rain falls down on me,"  I was picturing the butterfly bush.  And the rain of grace that has fallen down on my heart.  Dead and buried under deep dark earth in a nearby cemetery two years ago this October.  I cannot deny the colorful pairs of eyes- one blue set and one green- that look deep in my soul and greet me with delighted jumping and gleeful calls of "mouwnin" (aka "morning) and  "Mommy!  Mommy!" early each day when I come to their room to rescue them from the cribs. 

And in a few days another bouquet will join them.  The grace rains down.  And deep in the earth, the root has sprouted signs of life when I was not looking.  And suddenly, miracoulously there is color and vibrance and life from the depths of death so dark.

And the sadness of Makiah's approaching heaven day is not quite so overwhelming.  And I held her in my dreams last night.  A rare gift for me.  Bouncing pigtails and racing feet- she squeeled for mommy as we ran into each others arms.  Oh the joy!  Of what has been.  Of what is... in my dreams.  And of what will be again... one day.

In less than one hundred hours I will hold her newest sister in my arms with eyes wide open.  Oh the joy!  And the mystery.  Of the miracle.  And grace like rain.  That brings new life.


Thank you Mrs. Sandy and Aubrey!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Made For Glory

Pitter patter of the rain.  Splatting on my windows.  15 days until she's here.  My thoughts are splashing on the inside.  A foot rolls across my belly... from underneath!  I am amazed at the miracle.  That this little life has grown inside without a doctor's help!  Every test said this was impossible.  And we had the infertile years to prove it. 

My surprise.  My timely gift of joy.  When no one would have suspected that another little one was what I needed.  An accident?  Not in a million years!  Destined.  Purposed.  Created for such a time as this!  Made for glory.  His glory.

Last night I lay in bed and could not sleep.  Brave words have flown away.  Pounding heart and butterflies churning.  I read too much.  Writings from a magazine earlier... placental abruption...  cord choking the baby... no prevention... late term dangers.   Maybe she hasn't moved enough today?  Kick little one so mommy can sleep!  My thoughts turn to God and honestly, I find little reassurance.  Will he keep her safe?  Well, safe in His arms- yes- but safe in mine?  As much as we like to tell ourselves things will always be fine, I know now that is not the promise.  The promise is that though the fire engulfs you, you will not burn up.  Though the flood waters sweep over you, you will not drown.  Memories of the pain are still fresh.  And laying there in the dark, heart pounding, mind racing, the promise seems frail.  A hand to lift me out of the pit... but no gaurantee of  no more pits!

I read it this morning on the porch early.  "For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of  the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." 2 Corinthians 4:6

I turn it over in my mind.  Let light shine out of the darkness.  I have been in the darkness.  Maybe the cracks in my soul and yours are there with purpose.  That at His command the light will seep out.  Something amazing coming from the nothingness that was the darkness within. Something from Him... placed by there by grace.  The knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.  The glory was in Jesus' face first.  In the suffering.  In the pain.  Shining out through cracks in flesh pierced by a crown of thorns.

We used to sing a song with Makiah.  To Makiah.  "You were made for glory" is one line sung over and over again.  I can picture her little face while she croned the song in the back seat of the car.  Music blasting.  Words of truth shaking mountains. She was made for glory. We were made for glory!

The pelting rain is slowing and so are my pounding thoughts.  Open hands are all we have.  Cracks for light to shine from the darkness.  I sing it soflty to the little one almost here. You were made for glory...  And peace seems to find me in the middle of the storm.


The end is my favorite... you were made for glory!