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Butterflies and Pumpkins… Makiah’s 13th Heaven Day

Twins on Your butterfly bench   2023 redo on the bench… it’s still there!!!!   Dearest Makiah, I always write a blog for you, my sweet girl, on your Heaven day.    I’m behind a bit this year… we are out of town,    and I’ve not been alone for over 72 hours.    We spent the day at Dollywood today for the first time, and I was so surprised to see butterflies everywhere!    It’s like little reminders of you were all over… even in the pumpkins! Last week I was in the car alone and the song Throne Room by Charity Gayle came on.    There was such a strong presence of God and as I sang I had a picture in my minds eye of my dear friend, Carmen, and she was holding you.    You were both dressed in white and worshiping together, and I sensed such joy.   I read several posts just now in my memories that she had made about you on your heaven day.    In the last post she said “soon, sweet Makiah, very soon.”    None of us knew when she penned those words that, in just a few short years, she would b
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17 years ago- I Remember

It was just a few weeks ago. Tears falling down.   She doesn’t think she can do this. Walk down that aisle. To lay her baby to rest. And I remember. Her hands trembling. She can’t get her earrings in. Family steps in to help. It can’t be real. And I remember.  She can’t get to the front. It may as well be miles. Heavy feet pushing forward against all that is right. They have to hold her arms. And I remember. Songs echo across empty dreams. The words attempt to hug her heart. They try to breathe out hope and covering. But she can’t stop shaking. And I remember. The day no mother ever wants to open her eyes to. Because your child’s eyes won’t. Just keep taking the next breath I say to her. In and out right now. And I remember. I also remember the first inkling of hope. The first time I heard God again. The first time I prayed again. The first time I stepped in church again. The first time I opened my bible again. I remember the two lines on the pregnancy test. The biggest surprise ever.

Makiah’s 12th Heaven Day

  Yet Hope returns when I remember this one thing- the Lord’s unfailing love and mercy still continue, fresh as the morning as sure as the sunrise. Lamentations 3:21-23 (GNT) There aren’t very many things in our  ever changing world that seem to hold fast and remain the same day after day. Two things that have remained untouched by time my entire life are the sunrise and my grandmother’s house. My Mimi    lived in the same house in a tiny town in central Alabama since 1940ish. When she moved there she was in her early 20’s with one tiny tot or maybe two. It was a two bedroom house that they added onto over the years. But in my lifetime I could always count on the old swingset in the backyard to be there. The tree she planted as a young adult had grown into a massive oak that seemed unchanging and committed to outliving us all.    The pale blue walls and carpet of her living room were always inviting in a calming sort of way. Two years ago my grandmother finally went to be with Jesus af

Sweet 16

Dearest Makiah, It’s hard to know what to write you on your 16th birthday. I’ve been writing these birthday letters for 12 years now. Sunday was Mother’s Day, and I sat in church singing with my arm around my mom.    Her mom went to be with you just a short while ago at the age of 99.    And I felt here we are- two generations, arms entwined, bookended by a mom and a daughter both in heaven… and I imagined a glimpse of us all in a row not separated by time or space… Now I’m sitting, thinking, beside a pond only a few feet from a mother duck who is trailed by her little ducklings. They watch her every move and do exactly what she does. Not wandering more than a few inches from her as they swim.    Close beside her.    Safe.   “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” Psalm 91:4 It surges up in my mind.   And the hot tears rush down my cheeks.   You know, I have a love-hate relationship with this cha