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The Fire That Should Make Us Ask Questions

“Wow!  So sorry to hear about your friend.It is sobering when someone we actually know dies before what seems to be their time...”  

Words I stumbled on today in my emails from a decade ago.  What struck me is that I wrote them just three short weeks before my Makiah died suddenly.  I had no way of knowing as I penned those words that in just 21 days I would wake up to her last day.  I could never have imagined it.  
And now.  Now I look around at the seeming chaos of 2020.  The year where the only thing certain seems to be uncertainty.  And reading those words and the eery heaviness with which they sit on the page begs me to ask the question.  What are we living for?  Not what is my purpose.... that’s a different question.... but what purpose am I actually LIVING my daily life for?  Am I living for more me time, for a few more moments with social media, or maybe for that elusive next vacation?  Is my aim to check off all the boxes for today, to be a great _____ (fill in the blank), or …
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The Empty Chair

The world.  Full of sorrow.  Heaviness.  Heartbreaking injustices.  Heroic peaceful protests.  Fear inducing, violent riots.  Nights of broken glass.  Chaos.  Masks.  Hiding away.  Germs.  Wash your hands.
We cannot wash our hands.  Of this world.  Broken, bleeding calling out for light in the darkness.  Screaming at us to join the frenzy of panic.  To fight with weapons that are carnal.  To forget who the real enemy is.  Distraction.  Blame.  Offense.  Fear.  Reaching insidious tendrils right up to wrap around our minds.  
But there is another voice.  In the secret.  In the quiet.  Calling.  “Come be still and know that I am God.”  Do you hear the love call?  A king who doesn’t need us.  He wants us.  Wants you.  A Daddy’s lap where confusion fades away.  Peace envelopes.  The divine and humanity are connected there.  The view may still be foggy.  The way partially obscured. To our frail eyes.  But there are two seats.  Only one is empty...  the love call.  Can you hear the beckoning? …

Letters to Heaven

Dearest Makiah,
Today is your fourteenth birthday.  It has been exactly 10 years since we celebrated a birthday with you.  You wore your Little Mermaid dress, had a jumpy house, and blew out all the candles on your pink castle cake.  You laughed and tore into your presents surrounded by your little friends.  Two beautiful princesses (your aunt Laura and Jenn) arrived at the party to your delight!  I am so glad we went all out that year.  A grace disguised.
Last night I watched my favorite movie, Little Women, (not the newest version) with your sisters.  I marveled how I have loved this story since I read the book as a child, and now God has given me my own brood of little women.  In the story, one of the sisters goes on to heaven before the others.  She isn’t afraid, but says she gets to have the adventure first.  I couldn’t help but think of you.  The morning after she died they sprinkle red rose petals over her dolls, and her sisters are cloaked in grief.  Although I am sad that your …

Alarm plus Resolve

“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”
This was the prayer uttered by Jehoshaphat king of Judah when he heard the news that a vast army was coming against him. 2 Chronicles 20:3 says that although he was alarmed he resolved to seek the Lord.  Some ladies in my church and I are doing Lisa TerKeurst’s study called “Trustworthy,” and I was reading what she said about this scripture this morning.  King Jehoshaphat “had both the feelings of alarm that are a natural human response to his threatening situation and a supernatural resolve to inquire of the Lord.“
 I can’t think of a more perfect description of what we are walking through as a city, state, country, and around the globe right now. As we face the threat of an invisible army, an invasion that we cannot defeat in the natural, it is OK to feel alarmed. As our communities in some places are moving forward with opening back up, those of us who feel fearful when we are not in control may be a big swirl of emotions right no…

This Quarantined Dance

You are in for a treat today!  I have a guest post to share from my sweet sister-in-law.  She and my brother and their four littles (new baby in tow) are getting ready to move across the country, and well,  there is a lot going on these days!  I hope her struggle resonates with you like it did with me....

A few weeks ago, before Corona 2020 hit, I sat down with my children to watch the kid’s film, Inside Out. Little did I realize that this movie would find its way into my heart and minister to me in the days to come. In the movie, a young girl and her parents make a big move across the U.S. Meanwhile, the girl’s emotions (joy, sadness, fear, anger, and disgust) are at odds with one another about how to best navigate the many changes they are facing. As is the default in my life, Joy is working overtime to make everyone happy and everything picture perfect. I can so relate to this. I mean, didn’t we learn as children to “Accentuate the positive! Eliminate the negative.”?!  It seems easi…

The Ruach Elohim

I got up before my kiddos yesterday and went to the grocery store.  I wanted to be prepared to not leave my house for a while, and while we have plenty of food in our pantry, my crew of 6 eats through the pershables so quickly!  I can honestly say that through all of this I have had great peace.  It feels surreal.  I forget for a while that everything is turned on its head.  And of course there are moments of gravity when I read the news, but overall I have felt peace.  And true confession of a partial introvert and of the secret desires of a sometimes wanna be homeschool mom… I Love being home with my kids!  I even love the homeschool part. :)
BUT when I was in the grocery store yesterday, I was overwhelmed by what I felt all around me- fear.  It was almost tangible.  I arrived when the store opened and had to hunt in the parking lot for a cart.  As I walked up and down the aisles, the fear all around me was unmistakable.  I found myself praying in the Spirit under my breath.  I made …

The Lies We Believe Wrap Up

Every, Single. One.  Of the blogs that my friends have shared about the lies they believed has spoken to me!  I hope they have touched you, too!  I think a big piece of this is recognizing another very important deception that the enemy whispers to each of us.  It is that we are alone.  He wants you to believe that no one else is experiencing the struggle you face- that you are the only one who has made those mistakes or even those dumb decisions.  The enemy wants you to hide.  To keep your pain in the darkness.  He knows if you are isolated, there is much less chance that the truth of the Word and the light will find you there.
Way back at the beginning when the first woman, Eve, listened to the lies of the enemy and disobeyed what God told her, she felt shame.  And the need to hide.  The bible says she and her husband hid from God.  There were consequences for their choices.  And they had broken trust with the One who loved them and created them.  It hurts when we disappoint others.…