An Unexpected Journey

I hoist her up on the changing table to change the bazillionth diaper of the day. "Mommy is a scared." Abby says. I look at her with a puzzled expression. Where did that come from?  "Mommy isn't scared, baby. I am just changing your diaper." "Mommy is a scared," she says again. The sight of her lips swollen up huge flashes through my mind. I have been struggling with fear since she was stung by the bee, and we got the diagnosis. Serious bee allergy... Anaphylactic reaction... Epi pens ... Likely to be much worse next time... The doctor's words float through my mind. If I learned anything from Makiah's death, it's that tragedy is often fiercely unpredictable and our control of life is tenuous at best. Nevertheless, an actual diagnosis that could potentially cause the death of another one of my children has made my insides tremble... fear rearing its ugly head. But my 22 month old couldn't possibly know about any of t...

The cold wind cuts bitterly across my soul.   The rumbling grey sky reflects my thoughts.   Knees pressed down in the sparse dead grass.   My fingers in the dirt.   I press them in as if I could dig her up and everything would be as it should.   I cry like a baby and trace my fingers across her name.   Oh, God, help me! What can I do?   I ask it   as I straighten the tiny Christmas tree beside the cold hard stone.   Such a contrast…   the shiny colorful balls dancing with light right up there next to that grey, sour rock that screams of death.   What can I do when my life is like this strange juxtaposition of joy and pain?   Oh, I don’t feel it so deeply every day anymore, or I don’t think I could bear it.   But those special days.    You know, the special moments that holidays are full of…   watching the wonder in your tiny ones eyes when the lights and music of flashy floats pass by in the Christma...

  For two kilometers the little feet tread carefully down the dusty trail into the valley.   The blazing sun beats on his back and seems to mock the boy on his mission.   Ouch!   The toes complain as they stumble against a rock in the stream bed, but the little boy who owns them does not.   In fact his face turns quickly into a snaggle-toothed grin even as he winces.   A puzzling sight for curious onlookers.   Two of his classmates splash in beside him with their buckets, hoping to scare away any slithery creatures that might be lurking nearby.   Filling their rickety pails quickly, the three children turn hastily to climb back up the hill to their village.   The parched lips of their friends at school beckon them to return with their precious cargo.    Besides the heat and dangers of snakes, this trip costs them valuable time in the classroom.   But today will be the last trip.   Today the long awaited well will b...