An Unexpected Journey

I have had one Thanksgiving with Maddie Grace, two with the twins, Abby and Alena, and four with Makiah.  I don’t know what it is about the holidays that makes us want to look back.  I guess memories of love and togetherness, good food and fun all roll up into a sort of intangible slice of heaven.  Despite the chaos  and perhaps even wreckage we may pull those memories from.   I mean its messy down here for sure.  Just in our family this week my grandmother had emergency brain surgery (she is doing great though).  My parents new house didn’t get built in time for us to get into it until this afternoon despite my mom’s lovely plans of being settled in weeks ago.  Two of the four littles here with the family have been sick so we are quarantined from the older folks and other littles.  Even though we are here in Alabama, we will likely need to have a separate Thanksgiving and miss out on visiting.  I mean, it’s just plain messy.  ...

Sitting in church with music swirling all around... it seems so clear who I want to be.  I want to be that person who gets up with the sun to read my bible (consistently).  I want to dig deep into scripture and uncover truths that bring life to the soul.  I want my house to be blanketed with peace because it is filled often and in many ways with worship.  I want to be my husband’s biggest cheerleader.  I want to be a patient and present mother who effectively disciples my children’s hearts and disciplines their behaviors.  I want my life to be marked by God’s presence and not the absence of it. It all seems so clear. And clearly unattainable.   If I depend on me.  I just can’t seem to change myself.  I just can’t seem to get it all together... to juggle the balls without dropping one.   Not in my own strength.  And I, of all people, should have learned by now that to live is to be desperate for God.  I sat in t...