Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Toes

Outside the sky is grey and dreary.  I feel it should rain torrents today.  I think the whole earth should cry out in grief.  I feel my heart pounding in my head.  My eyes will barely open, and I think no more tears can possibly come.  Maybe I will stand in the rain and borrow the tears from the sky.

I look down at sparkly pink toes, and they are lonely.  Makiah, our last Sunday together you spent the morning in bed with Mommy (because I am on bed rest).  We ate fruit loops and snuggled.  We practiced drawing your letters and painted our fingers and toes.  You wanted rainbow toes, but I didn't have the colors with me.  I promised I'd paint you rainbow toes later.  Once we were all pink you said, "I got an idea!  Let's put sparklies over the pink, and you have to do it, too, Mommy, so we can be twins!"  You are such a princess!  So pink toes became sparkly toes.  We giggled and hugged and admired our matching feet.

Now mine sit all alone.  Ten toes that should be twenty.  Sparkles remind me of your glittering eyes and passion for life.  I promised you rainbow toes.  I kept my promise.  Pretty shades of pink, purple, red, and white.  Your sweet little toes looked so perfect before they closed the casket.  No four year old should be buried with old lady toes.  No four year old should be buried.  Mommy is so sorry, baby, that you didn't get to see your pretty rainbow toes.

The hard ground outside is still dry, but the rivers have sprung up again to flood my face.  The dark sky is silent and won't comply with my demands for weeping.  Perhaps the clouds should borrow my tears instead...

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