He came running into the house yelling in such a panicked voice that before my brain could process the words, my heart had processed the anguish, and I thought someone was dead. Eliana and I were snuggled up on the couch in our PJ’s reading a book while Cameron and the other three were outside. The big girls were riding their bikes and trying to get that last bit of energy out before the sun sank into the horizon. Suddenly he burst through the back door and for just a split second the horror of another day when there was panic exactly 10 years ago today flooded my soul like a tidal wave. I am sure that same wave had washed over him just minutes before.
Our road had just been repaved that morning, and there was still gravel left on the edges. When Abby turned her bike into our driveway, she lost her balance and fell in just such a way that her permenant front teeth hit the concrete lip on the end of the driveway. Her two front teeth were literally shattered in half. We didn’t even find the pieces until days later when the dentist pulled them like shrapnel from her gums. Her face and shoulders were scraped and blood was everywhere. She came in crying and wailing that she would never smile again and begging God to help her. It was heart wrenching. But so much better than a child being dead. I held her close as she cried that her teeth were gone. All I could say is, “But you are still alive. We lost your teeth, but we didn’t lose you!”
The night before was Labor Day and the girls and I had driven back from a visit to the grandparents. I had put on some worship music that last hour of the trip and began to pray. I found myself praying intensely for peace and against spiritual harrassment. A few weeks before I had 4 dreams in one night that all had a similar theme- that I was unprepared. I woke up with that thought lingering in my mind and thinking of the parable with the virgins who didn’t have enough oil when the bride groom showed up. I had been praying into preparedness ever since.
When Abby’s accident occured, we were unable to get our dentist on the phone and it was late. I ended up driving her to Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta where they examined her to make sure it was just the teeth and not a more serious injury lurking underneath. I will be honest here and say that if anyone in our family is prone to panic, it is me. I am for sure the one who tends to be more jumpy and cautious. Cameron has never struggled with fear a day in his life- except maybe this day. While Abby and I were driving to the hospital, I began to pray out loud. And the only way I can describe it is that the peace that passes understanding was guarding my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I felt real, tangible peace. And in my mind I had the picture of a slipper- like Cinderella’s glass slipper. I slid my foot right in and it fit perfectly. It was there waiting for me. The shoes of the preparation ion of the gospel of peace. The peace that just the night before I had “prayed into” with such a surprising and unknowing intensity. On that trip to the hospital I found myself marveling at the goodness of God to prepare me for this.
Now before you think this is how every day is for me and you discount yourself, let me tell you that two weeks later when Abby told me as I tucked her in for the night that her “face had been disappearing all day” things went completely differently! She explained that on and off her hand could feel her face but her face couldn’t feel her hand. When I finally got the pediatric nurse on the phone the next morning and she told me I should have taken Abby back to the ER that night, I swallowed a good dose of mom guilt and had a melt down. I had to ask to leave work to go get Abby and take her, and it would have been an ugly cry in front of my boss except that I had a mask on- the only time I have been glad for that!
The date of Abby’s accident was not lost on me. It was September the 8th… exactly one month before October the 8th- the day a car wreck took my oldest baby to heaven. The year Makiah died I had a warning dream of a tornado catching our family on that same day exactly one month before the accident. I cannot explain the significance of all of these things except to say that we have a sly enemy who is hunting us. Once he has lost our hearts to God, he will do everything he can to derail our faith and render us ineffective. But God. In 2 Timothy 3:10-11 Paul says “You know all about my teaching, my way of life…. (11) persecutions, sufferings- what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. YET the Lord rescued me from all of them."
The night before Abby broke her teeth the Lord had me pray myself into a position to put on the shoes of peace in the moment of trauma. The day of her facial numbness and more trips to CHOA was ironically the beginning of a three day challenge I had joined with Graham Cooke entitled “The Power to Prevail.” The nugget I took away from that is rather than asking God “Why did this happen?” we can ask Him “Who or what do you want to be to me in this situation? How does God want to reveal Himself and His character to me in this hardship?”
In this case for me it was as the God of Peace. The One who has provided me with the ability to have my feet covered in the preparation of the gospel of peace (Eph. 6). Jesus purchased our forgiveness on the cross. He also purchased our peace. And our preparation.
Today is Makiah’s 10th heaven day. Exactly one decade since my life turned up on it’s head, and I came home from a trip with empty arms to the Deafening Silence of an empty house. God has been so many things to me in these last 10 years. And I know there is infinitely more that He wants to reveal about Himself and His love for us in the coming days. My prayer today is that you and I will have the courage to change the question. Let’s shift from the “why’s” to opening the door for God to make Himself known to us. Let’s step into deeper intimacy with the One who longs to pour out His goodness in our hearts and lives. There was a time I doubted this was true, but as one who has been resurrected from the living dead, I can tell you now that He loves you and is good! Let’s remember today that life here is but a breath- it is just the prologue as C.S. Lewis says. There is an eternal perspective that God has and will help us take that can shift everything.
Your writing is so good, including that last sentence... I also appreciate how you wrote that HE purchased our peace and our preparation...
ReplyDeleteHope Abby is feeling better and healing well. Thinking of y’all.