Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Priceless Treasure

All I have ever wanted is to be a mommy.  As soon as I can hold a baby doll, I am imagining the day when it will be real.  I gather all my dolls together and pretend to have an orphanage where all the babies with no family are mine.  I can't imagine anything worse then having no mommy or daddy.  Long after the other girls have left their toys behind to chase boys, I still secretly pretend with my babies.  As a teen, I have a very real dream of playing on the beach with my little blond-haired daughter, and I can't wait.

College?  Yes,  It is necessary to become the kind of person my ideal Mr. Right would marry.  Graduate school?  Yes.  He still hasn't made his debut.  Work for several years after the wedding?  Yes.  I want to pay off the student loans and save for our next car so that when the big day comes, I can stay home as much as possible and be a mommy.  Infertility?  Yes.  I try not to let fear creep in.  I carry around a notebook of scripture promises to combat the insidious thoughts.  We go to a bible study and a pastor I have never met (and who knows nothing about me), says God has heard our prayers, and I will be a mommy.  Six weeks later I am pregnant.

May 11, 2006.  One of the happiest days of my life.  I become not just a mommy, but Makiah's mommy.   My blond haired baby has arrived!  Two weeks before the accident, you crawl up in my lap and ask me if you will always be my baby first.  I laugh and cradle you like a baby and tell you "Oh, yes! Even when you are as big as Mommy!"   I snuggle you close and cover your face with kisses.  You grin your squinty eyed grin- the one where I can see the happiness in your heart beaming from your eyes.

Your conception was a miracle.  Every breath you took was a gift.  The precious moments of your sweet life were entrusted to me.  A priceless treasure that I will always cherish.  Sweet Makiah, you will always be mommy's first baby.

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