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A Vapor

The dirt still looks freshly dug.  The grass stubbornly refuses to grow.  How do you decide what to put on your baby's headstone?  We got a letter from the city, and we have to do this... have to get over this hump.  How do you pen the final parting words?  precious-princess-my heart-sweet-beautiful-our love-gift-treasure- priceless-joy-dream-forever...  How do you sum up a life?  How do you say goodbye?  How can her sweet, cuddly body be down there?  I just want this to be someone else...some other mother and some other child!  I want to read this blog and weep for her- that other woman.    I don't want to be on this side of the screen typing these horrible words!

I just want to feel close to her again.  Oh God, she feels so far away!  How can you think that I can do this?  I am desperate to be near her... to touch her.  I watch her pictures on the screen saver.  I reach out to rub her cheek and stroke her hair, but the pictures disappear... just like my baby.  A vapor that I cannot grasp.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."  James 4:14

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