Daddy's arms. There's nothing like them. Cutting her cord his face is alive with joy. Holding her in his strong hands tears trickle down. One hundred thousand kisses from soft lips couched in a scratchy goatee. He always keeps her on his day off while mommy works because he wants to. Diaper changes and spit up never sway him. Daddy daughter dates for crunchy fried chicken legs are what memories are made of. Splashing in muddy puddles together. Sharing breath and sweaty sleeping close. Eskimo kisses and Valentine's dances. She throws herself across his lap and exclaims "Don't tickle me, Daddy!" Sweetest laughter follows. Eating first food...catching first fish. Daddy gently teaches. "Daddy, please swing with me... play barbies with me... pretend mermaids with me..." she asks. His answer is always yes. Bedtime routines that last an hour. Stories and rocking and singing so slow. Taking it all in. Over and over the words he says, "You make me sooo happy, Makiah." Too many times to count he whispers it in her ear. Her delighted grin fills up her face as his unrestrained adoration fills her little heart. Memories to treasure- Makiah and Daddy. Memories still to make- Abby and Alena have so much to look forward to... Daddy's arms.
In a single second my life has been radically altered. My precious gift from God, sweet Makiah Kaitlyn, has gone to be with Jesus long before her time. I know in my heart that she is happy, but my arms are so empty... my house so dreadfully quiet. I feel at times that a horrible blackness has enveloped me. I feel as though my insides are screaming. I am clawing and fighting to break out of this torturous body- to escape from this oppressive reality, but I cannot escape. The dark anguish leaps on me again and again. It sits on my chest and presses against my very life breath. My heart feels utterly crushed and broken- pummeled into a thousand pieces. Life as I knew it has been shattered and the shards that are left are painful and sharp. Cutting me as I try to walk through them. This is the valley of the shadow of death. How dark is that shadow! Her room is perfectly untouched. All of the dolls in her dollhou...
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