Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Smiles and Stickers

My washer and dryer seem to hum their tune endlessly these days.  Tiny pink pajamas and bibs and burp cloths and downy blankets stirring up the song.  I am in the kitchen dancing with the broom over a pile pure white.  Turns out the table is not a safe place to leave the salt shaker!  Tumultuous laughter leaks out from under the bathroom door where the twins are splashing in the bathtub.  I hear their daddy exclaim, "No cannon balls!"  Every few steps I stop to put little bit's pacifier back in her mouth and buy another minute or two.  I lean in to peer at the places that won't sweep up and notice they are tiny stickers stuck on tight.  I grin because I haven't seen stickers for two years until this past week.

And I wouldn't trade a minute of it.  I am absolutely giddy about my pink little loads of laundry.  When I am tempted to wish I wasn't dancing with the broom, I remind myself of the reason that my floors are constantly sticky!  So many little feet!  And when Lena leaned over and gave me the biggest smooch this morning, all the whining and crying of the week faded instantly into the background. 

Two years ago today Cameron and I were hidden away in the mountains trying to escape the screaming pain of our incredibly clean and silent house.   Her toys were all still where she left them.  I hadn't yet unpacked her suitcase from the trip she never came back from.  The last load of her dirty laundry still sat piled up by my washer.  No reason for clean clothes anymore.   I would never see her beautiful smile again.

But I have seen Maddie Grace's.  A big dimply, squinty eyed smile that she loves to give me a hundred times a day now.  There is not much better in life than the brand new smile of a brand new baby.  Maybe because it whispers of hope and brand new beginnings.  Perhaps a little bit of eternity seeps out from those littlest  lips all curled softly. A glimpse of heaven's purity and simple joy seeping from those eyes.

And I can't help but smile back from deep down on the inside.  I am thankful this Thanksgiving.  Standing right here in 2012 in the middle of a messy life and a messy house.  I am thankful for reminders of heaven and the promise of pure and innocent joy restored.  I am thankful that 2010 is over.  I am thankful that every year I am closer to Jesus and Makiah and the home my heart has always longed for.  I am thankful for the breath I just took and that I went Christmas shopping yesterday for toys  and that I have children to celebrate with and cry with.  And I am oh so thankful for smiles and stickers in my house again!

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