Every time I have a baby, which seems to be a pretty regular event around here, my whole schedule seems to be dumped upside down and in some ways my life is turned on its head. I have read a ton of books on making your baby sleep all night and live on a perfect schedule, but it seems the problem is my baby hasn't read a single one of those books! So it is easy to feel that my time alone with God and my spiritual life regresses with every child!
I feel such a struggle here. Even when I get up early it seems the little people wake up even earlier, and I am often frustrated because I can't get much time alone with the Lord. Doesn't it to seem like there should be a bargain here? That if I get up early to spend time with God surely he would make all those little people sleep just a little while longer? But it doesn't work that way! At least not on this earth… I'm sitting on my porch this morning watch the pink ribbon of sunrise ripple across the clouds in the sky and sipping my cup of steaming coffee. At least for a few minutes I am alone... Well except for Makiah's little cat with the black mustache nipping at my toes when I'm not petting him with my foot. I admit I'm getting irritated with this little cat. Can't I have a few minutes where nobody wants something from me? And I wonder if we lived out in the country instead of in a bustling neighborhood if maybe I would feel that it was easier to be alone... Easier to escape for a few minutes. But it is so wonderful to be close to friends and neighbors to hear the sounds of laughter…
And then my imagination wanders to heaven.
And I feel like in heaven I won't have to choose. Now I'm not saying that I know what heaven will be like. But Just imagine for a minute a place where there is no frustration and the constraints of time do not exist. There would be plenty of time for love and laughter and friends and family, but also it would be easy to suddenly be alone with The Lord when we need to be. That might be a scary thought for you sanguine-life-of-the-party people, but for phlegmatic melancholies like me who have our batteries recharged by being alone it sounds, well, quite heavenly!
I imagine myself on top of a beautiful mountain looking at a gorgeous blue mountain range with something like the brilliant colors of the sunrise in the background, and I am getting time alone with Jesus. But what if it it had only taken me an instant to get there and I was not afraid of being on the mountain and was not uncomfortable in anyway. And I could be immersed in a sense of peace and his presence! Oh what amazing joys await us in heaven! Things I can't even begin to imagine here! And there will not be an end. There will be no breathless rushing because we will have eternity.
I feel encouraged about what I think of as my wake up call, or what I used to call "the love call" before Makiah died. The baby is almost one, things are evening out around here a little bit, and I'm beginning to wake up with that sense that I need to get up and spend time with the Lord more. The frustration I feel when it seems like I am surrounded by little people who want to squeeze every ounce of alone time out of me begins to dissipate. Maybe that wake up call is more about training in obedience rather than the amount of actual time I get to spend with the Lord. If I think that the success of my day and my spirituality depends on how much time I get alone with the Lord, doesn't that mean I'm putting him in a box? Isn't God big enough to put into me what I need in a few minutes just as well as in 30 minutes or an hour? My salvation does not hinge on my performance. Nor does living in abundant life depend on my ability to control my circumstances. I am justified based on the finished work of Jesus Christ and finding my identity in Him. Inner transformation is not something that is necessarily bound by space or time. But it is bound by obedience. We are a new creation in Christ and our spirit is immediately transformed when we put our faith in Jesus. However our mind is transformed little by little as we obey him more and more. Isn't there a verse that says God loves obedience more than sacrifice? What is God calling you to do today? It won't be the same for all of us because we are unique. And it won't be the same thing today that it was last year or the same thing that it will be for you next year. And the bigness of it is not what is important. It may be a teeny tiny thing. What is important is that we hear His voice speaking to our hearts and we follow him.
I would love to tell you that I sat on the porch in the cool crisp air and wrote this blog in peace… in truth I was interrupted at least a half a dozen times by little people wanting a hug, yogurt, or to tell me all the breakfast foods that we are out of that I need to put on my grocery list! I take a deep breath in and out and breath in the Hope. Faith is the evidence of things Hoped for…. This morning I am full of the hope of heaven. The hope of a place where there is no more pain or suffering, no more tears, no more failure, and no more frustration. Our time here is so short. It is just a window, just the preface of the story that is to come.
And my heart feels a little bit lighter. I hope yours does as well!
"But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice..." I Samuel 15:22
"You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18
I feel such a struggle here. Even when I get up early it seems the little people wake up even earlier, and I am often frustrated because I can't get much time alone with the Lord. Doesn't it to seem like there should be a bargain here? That if I get up early to spend time with God surely he would make all those little people sleep just a little while longer? But it doesn't work that way! At least not on this earth… I'm sitting on my porch this morning watch the pink ribbon of sunrise ripple across the clouds in the sky and sipping my cup of steaming coffee. At least for a few minutes I am alone... Well except for Makiah's little cat with the black mustache nipping at my toes when I'm not petting him with my foot. I admit I'm getting irritated with this little cat. Can't I have a few minutes where nobody wants something from me? And I wonder if we lived out in the country instead of in a bustling neighborhood if maybe I would feel that it was easier to be alone... Easier to escape for a few minutes. But it is so wonderful to be close to friends and neighbors to hear the sounds of laughter…
And then my imagination wanders to heaven.
And I feel like in heaven I won't have to choose. Now I'm not saying that I know what heaven will be like. But Just imagine for a minute a place where there is no frustration and the constraints of time do not exist. There would be plenty of time for love and laughter and friends and family, but also it would be easy to suddenly be alone with The Lord when we need to be. That might be a scary thought for you sanguine-life-of-the-party people, but for phlegmatic melancholies like me who have our batteries recharged by being alone it sounds, well, quite heavenly!
I imagine myself on top of a beautiful mountain looking at a gorgeous blue mountain range with something like the brilliant colors of the sunrise in the background, and I am getting time alone with Jesus. But what if it it had only taken me an instant to get there and I was not afraid of being on the mountain and was not uncomfortable in anyway. And I could be immersed in a sense of peace and his presence! Oh what amazing joys await us in heaven! Things I can't even begin to imagine here! And there will not be an end. There will be no breathless rushing because we will have eternity.
I feel encouraged about what I think of as my wake up call, or what I used to call "the love call" before Makiah died. The baby is almost one, things are evening out around here a little bit, and I'm beginning to wake up with that sense that I need to get up and spend time with the Lord more. The frustration I feel when it seems like I am surrounded by little people who want to squeeze every ounce of alone time out of me begins to dissipate. Maybe that wake up call is more about training in obedience rather than the amount of actual time I get to spend with the Lord. If I think that the success of my day and my spirituality depends on how much time I get alone with the Lord, doesn't that mean I'm putting him in a box? Isn't God big enough to put into me what I need in a few minutes just as well as in 30 minutes or an hour? My salvation does not hinge on my performance. Nor does living in abundant life depend on my ability to control my circumstances. I am justified based on the finished work of Jesus Christ and finding my identity in Him. Inner transformation is not something that is necessarily bound by space or time. But it is bound by obedience. We are a new creation in Christ and our spirit is immediately transformed when we put our faith in Jesus. However our mind is transformed little by little as we obey him more and more. Isn't there a verse that says God loves obedience more than sacrifice? What is God calling you to do today? It won't be the same for all of us because we are unique. And it won't be the same thing today that it was last year or the same thing that it will be for you next year. And the bigness of it is not what is important. It may be a teeny tiny thing. What is important is that we hear His voice speaking to our hearts and we follow him.
I would love to tell you that I sat on the porch in the cool crisp air and wrote this blog in peace… in truth I was interrupted at least a half a dozen times by little people wanting a hug, yogurt, or to tell me all the breakfast foods that we are out of that I need to put on my grocery list! I take a deep breath in and out and breath in the Hope. Faith is the evidence of things Hoped for…. This morning I am full of the hope of heaven. The hope of a place where there is no more pain or suffering, no more tears, no more failure, and no more frustration. Our time here is so short. It is just a window, just the preface of the story that is to come.
And my heart feels a little bit lighter. I hope yours does as well!
"But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice..." I Samuel 15:22
"You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18
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