Thanksgiving Drama

When I can’t sleep or things are tough, I write.  Oh, I write a whole lot more in my head than I ever actually get onto paper, er well, cyberspace these days.  And this morning things are feeling really real.  Sometimes life just stinks.  I woke up early having a pity party this morning.  We have really been looking forward to getting away to my parent’s house in Alabama for Thanksgiving this week.  We take turns rotating Thanksgiving and Christmas between my family in Alabama and my husband’s family in South Carolina.  We have only had 7 years since the twins were born and for three of the previous years when it was my family’s turn someone in my immediate family has had the stomach bug. Two times we thought we were all better and went to spend the week with family only to give the gift of Norovirus to everyone else.  So a few years ago when Cameron called at work to say Eliana was throwing up the Friday before Thanksgiving week, we didn’t even try to go home.  We made lemons from our lemonade and did some fun things with our kids, but we basically cancelled Thanksgiving to save the extended family from our misery.

Fast forward to this October, we had our first family vacation involving a plane ride planned for fall break- the week after Cameron’s mission trip.  I start running fever the day before he left.  The day after he got to Poland I got diagnosed with the flu and bronchitis.  Yep.  4 kids. Husband in Poland.  I got the flu (and yes, for those who are wondering, I had already had the flu shot).  That week was HARD.  I prayed every day I would have the energy to pack and get these kids on a plane the following week to meet him in Massachusetts.  We did make it there and no one else got the flu- which is a small miracle!  On day 2 my sweet husband got food poisoning and spent several days in bed.  To add insult to injury, the beautiful fall leaves in New England decided not to change for us even though we were a week past peak.  Now we weathered this trip, and for the most part we had a good attitude.  We still made great memories with the kids and grandparents and we (well, not really Cameron but the rest of us) ate good food and didn’t work or clean house for a week.

It’s been a month and I have managed to hang on to some type of flu induced fatigue.  Our bank account got cleaned out by some person who thought they could put their bills on auto-pay out of our checking, and we wouldn’t notice and would just keep them up!?!  (Thankfully we are getting that back after a big ordeal).  The kids have had some sickness and scary asthma attacks this month.  So when Alena started throwing up this Saturday night at 1 am, I could have just cried.  Sunday both Cameron and I were down for the count and the three kids standing ran the house.  I think my 7 year old (who wasn’t puking) put the 4 year old to bed.  I think.  Yesterday everyone was better and I started feeling a little hopeful we might still have Thanksgiving.  Until the other twin woke up sick at midnight last night.   Let’s just say I am pretty sure neither she nor I will ever eat macaroni and cheese again.

So that is the long dramatic opening for what I really have to say (I don’t know where my girls get all their dramatic tendencies from!).  I was not sleeping in the wee hours this morning and thinking of all this and feeling so disappointed and then I remembered about a family I read about on Facebook recently.  They lost all three of their children in a house fire a few months ago.  What are they feeling like facing this week?  And the parents of the chronically sick child who may not survive the holidays? And then I remembered my own quiet Thanksgiving  eight years ago when Makiah had just been killed, and we were still reeling in shock.   We didn’t do anything traditional that year.  We couldn’t.  Both sets of grandparents gathered at my in laws.  It was warm, and we went for an evening boat ride on the still lake.  It’s the only time I ever had thoughts like this, but I remember wishing I could throw myself into the dark water and never come back up.  Those placid waters closing over my head seemed better than taking another breath in that moment.  I shudder now and suddenly my pity party is taking a shift.  At least I have kids to clean up puke after.  At least we can cancel Thanksgiving together.  At least we can hole up and watch Netflix and sip Lipton noodle soup by our fireplace. 

When the thoughts come of all we will miss this week- the late night grown up talks or the raucous laughter and running of cousins’ feet through the house, I will choose to steer my heart towards thankfulness.  Cameron and I joked this morning about how children are unable to start throwing up in the daytime.   There must be some hidden rule of parenting that it must start in the middle of the night… but at least I have him to share the irony and sleeplessness with. At least we can cancel Thanksgiving together.

And as I lay there this morning I realize four pair of little eyes are watching me so closely.  They cried when I told them we couldn’t head to the grandparent's on Monday.  They asked why God made us sick.  Oh what an important conversation!  It’s the enemy who comes to steal and kill and destroy.  And also mommy doesn’t have all the answers for pain.  It dawned on me this morning that what I do with this week will be remembered far more than the many words I say to them every day.  I have a chance to teach them that it is okay to be authentically disappointed.  It’s also okay to tell God how we feel, but that’s not all.  I truly believe we aren’t victims of our circumstances.   No one can make our choices for us and no matter what happens, we always have a choice of what we will do with ourselves.  I tell my students this all the time.  Now it’s time for me to eat my words and choose to be thankful.  It’s not the week I hoped it would be, but the real life stinks part can only take my peace and joy if I let it. 

So here’s to a Thanksgiving Day of thankfulness regardless of what the events of the day hold for me or for you because what we have to be most thankful for is settled in heaven.   May we hold our loved ones a little closer and choose to focus on what matters most this week!

P.S. In another ironic twist, we had family photos done Friday afternoon for the first time in three years.  If you look at our pics on Facebook, you might be tempted to think life looks perfect.  This makes me want to LOL for real!  So when social media tempts you to think others have it all together, just remember a picture is not always worth a thousand words!