This Quarantined Dance

You are in for a treat today!  I have a guest post to share from my sweet sister-in-law.  She and my brother and their four littles (new baby in tow) are getting ready to move across the country, and well,  there is a lot going on these days!  I hope her struggle resonates with you like it did with me....

A few weeks ago, before Corona 2020 hit, I sat down with my children to watch the kid’s film, Inside Out. Little did I realize that this movie would find its way into my heart and minister to me in the days to come. In the movie, a young girl and her parents make a big move across the U.S. Meanwhile, the girl’s emotions (joy, sadness, fear, anger, and disgust) are at odds with one another about how to best navigate the many changes they are facing. As is the default in my life, Joy is working overtime to make everyone happy and everything picture perfect. I can so relate to this. I mean, didn’t we learn as children to “Accentuate the positive! Eliminate the negative.”?!  It seems easier to focus on the good that is taking place, and, for me, to turn a blind eye to the heaviness that accompanies sadness and grief. This was no different in the little girl’s life in the film. Yet, as she realizes over the course of the movie, it is each of these emotions living in tandem that makes life all the more fuller and sweeter.

Perhaps it could be put this way, “I am human, Hear me cry” (sung to the tune of “I am woman, Hear me roar”). The last several weeks have been heavy. There is no denying the collision course so many of us have been placed on by circumstances outside our control: schools closing, children coming home to school, work transitioning to home, demands of the office remaining the same. This is heavy. This is hard. This is topsy-turvy, upside-down living. Who could have imagined this a mere four weeks ago?

Daily, I vacillate between feeling #allthethings. I am joyful that I have this uninterrupted time with my incredible husband and our precious children. I mean, we will never get these days back with our little ones and – Wow! What a gift! Yet, I am sad. I can’t ignore this. Life as we’ve known it is gone – no more meeting with classmates, going to schools we love, attending a doctoral graduation we’ve waited years for, visiting a new city we’re moving to (that I’ve never seen!), lunching and brunching with friends who have become family (that I will say good-bye to in a few short days), and the list goes on. I know it goes on for you, too. So many losses. So much sadness. The grief has been present, but not nearly to the depths that I know some are experiencing. We have not lost anyone close to us. We have not had to say good-bye like many are having to do these days. Yet, there is anger: “It wasn’t supposed to be this way!” And fear that tries to sneak in to tempt me with the “what if’s”…. Jesus, be near.

In the midst of all that is going on, it is not lost on me that last week was Holy Week. A tension hung in the air. We praised Him, we waved our palm branches and sang “Hosanna” to Him as He was paraded before us…Then darkness. Silence. Heaviness. I’m holding my breath; the air is still.

He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care (Isa 53:3).

Jesus is called a “man of sorrows.” He was familiar with deepest grief. He knew the presence of sadness to such depths we cannot begin to fathom. Yet, “for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame…” (Hebrews 12:2). He was fully human, fully man. He held joy and anguish. He descended into the grave so that He might take the very things that separate us from God, our sins, and bear them as His own so we might be reconciled to God.

Deep breaths.

This is for you. This is for me. Jesus came so that we might have life, and life in abundance (John 10:10). Are we willing to face our shortcomings, the things that we get hung up over, and own our humanness so we might experience the depths of His love and resurrection Life? Am I willing to live within the tension of joy and sadness? Of facing the broken parts of me regardless of what I find? To repent? We are a depraved people who desperately need a Savior.

The truth is this takes a lot of work. To own our humanness, to own our needs, brokenness, and vulnerabilities. Sometimes it involves the help of professionals or trusted mentors, both of which I’ve leaned on. And, what I am realizing in this quarantined dance of joy and sadness, is that by owning all of my broken places then I’m able to surrender all of me to all of Jesus. 

Walking into a deeper surrender enables me to truly connect with my children, my husband, and their needs. Rather than withdrawing from my family and relying on my own strength (hello, dead end!), I am meeting Jesus in the moments of choosing to engage my family. And, beauty unfolds. Little ones’ raw emotions are met with compassion (who is this person!?). Situations that threaten to topple me are met with contentment. Anxiety is met with peace. You can’t make this stuff up.

The future feels unsteady. There is a heaviness, and the air feels still. There’s no way to know how everything will land once the pandemic passes. Then Jesus shows up. Because of Him we can live within the tensions of today and experience His joy, peace, and contentment right where we are. Hallelujah! He is alive!!!