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Monday, January 16, 2012

Special Plans for You

I follow a crawling baby into Makiah's room where she eagerly starts to plunder through  books. I gingerly open a book that had been one of her last Christmas presents.  The Little Red Book with Big Red Letters! A Story of Discovering Your Dream.   The inscription on the first crisp white page reads: "To Makiah... God has special plans for you!A gift from her grandparents.  Before I can stop myself the thought shoots through my mind.  What kind of plans?  Plans for a gruesome death a mere ten months after these sweet words were penned?  I shudder at my own antagonism and shove such questions aside.  I tell myself to keep playing chase and stay in the moment.

Later, I am deleting old Facebook messages and see one dated January 16th, 2010.  Two years ago today and a short ten months before my baby died.  I am curious to see what I wrote back then.  I click on the message, and well, read it for yourself... 

  "January 16th, 2010- I am becoming more and more convinced that we have to decide to believe what the bible says- God is good no matter what... and that His plans for us are good no matter what. It has to be a foundational belief for us to grow in our relationship with him. When I evaluate my thinking I find that I sometimes attribute things to God that are not in line with His nature according to the bible. God is good and only gives good gifts... He has chosen to relinquish some of His control of this world temporarily so more people have a chance to use their free will to choose Him. When the author steps onto the stage, the play is over (CS Lewis wrote). So He is waiting... 
but in the meantime bad things happen this side of heaven. 
We just have to know who to attribute them to....  
      I am reading this awesome book called Strengthen Yourself in the Lord. It's about how to get out of a pit- you strengthen yourself in the Lord! That is what the bible says David did when he had been anointed king of Israel, but for 10 long years he was rejected by EVERYONE and hunted like a dog. He could so easily have turned his back on God, blamed him, and believed the promise would never come to pass. But instead, at his lowest point, the bible says he "strengthened himself in the Lord." Then he went on to become history's greatest king. I believe he could have made a different choice and forfeited his destiny. The part we have to play in God's will for our lives is so important- we have to will His will and persevere until it comes to pass... or it might not. 
This idea that whatever happens is God's will is simply not true...
     Ok, I know I am writing a book but this has all been swirling around in me for a few weeks.
My mom reminded me of 4 principles over Christmas:
                                              1. You are part of a larger plan.
                                              2. You have a part to play that no one else can play.
                                              3. There is an enemy hunting us.
                                              4. There is a fellowship that seeks to protect you 
                     (mainly God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, but also our brothers and sisters in Christ)..."

Two years ago I was struggling with secondary infertility.  Today I continue to face the death of my child- my only child at the time.  Such irony.  I read my own words, and I cannot believe the coincidence.  That I would stumble on them today.  Exactly two years later.  On a day when those very questions have plagued me. That those very issues were "swirling around in my mind for weeks" almost as if in preparation...

And I think of God's plan.  How could his plan for her be good?  Her life was so short.  Then it dawns on me.  Perhaps she missed out on things still to come on earth or maybe God didn't bother to plan more for her here because He foreknew her death before she was born, but that is unknowable and not the point... I realize something.  Perhaps God's plans for us don't end with the death of our bodies! Hope rises slowly in my heart.  Could it be that when we cross heaven's threshold, His real plans for us have just begun?  Could it be that He has a purpose for her and things for her to do even now in heaven?  Why is it so hard to imagine that life there is a continuation of things here... only nothing is tainted by sin or sickness or death or decay of any form?! 

My antagonism from earlier melts away as I glance up at a beautiful piece of art, an intricately detailed cross stitch of Jesus holding a small child, that graces my bookshelf.  A dear friend began the project in early 2010.  Mysteriously drawn to the pattern and giving countless hours to its perfection, she had no idea who it was for.   Until  she fell weeping with the news of Makiah months later.  Now her work of  love for Jesus and unknowingly for us reminds me vividly that Makiah is safe with Him this day.  And she is happy.
And He has plans for her still...

Anne Horne is selling a variety of things (including copies of this same work of art) at   The net proceeds from this picture and a portion of every sale on her site will go towards Makiah's Well Project.  And the wells are multiplying!  More info on that coming soon...

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