Skip to main content

Forever

I can't get the words out of my head so I think I will write them.  Over and over I turn them.  Trying to wrap my mind around what they really mean.  For me.  Oh I forget for a few hours or maybe even a day or two.  But they just seem to keep tapping me on the shoulder, demanding that I pay them attention.

Do not love the world or anything in the world...

Well, if I am honest, I love a lot of things in the world.  I love most anything chocolate.  I like hot baths and good magazines, the cooking channel, and lazy days spent shopping (I don't have those anymore but I can still think they are fabulous!).  Mexican restuarants...  melty s'mores by a crackling fire on a crisp, cool night... I could go on and on.

...for if anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

Wow, that seems so strong.   Except maybe it means if the love of the Father is in me, I will be too full to love the world.  I won't have an appetite for earthly things... I am sure I will still enjoy them.  But maybe that God love can patch the holes in me, fill up the empty spaces so full I don't lean on my indulgences for support.  Maybe...

For all that is in the world- the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and the pride of life- is not from the Father but is from the world.  And the world is passing away along with all its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Passing away.  Temporary.  All this that we see and touch and drink and wear is temporary.  I kissed my little green eyed girl tonight and her preciousness grabbed me.  That she will live forever- somewhere- siezed my heart.  And I felt the weight.  It is not mine to control her, but it is mine to teach her and model for her and point her to that love.  That love of the Father that fills up emptiness and heals the cracks of brokeness.  I will influence my family's eternity.  How will I swing the pendulum?  Toward earthly things that are passing away?  Or toward the love that compels us to do His will?  I feel the weight of it so strong.  Only this one life to live, and I fall so short.

I hear a whimper from the little Grace gift sleeping near my bed.  And I am reminded to call for grace... because it is not my doing that can change my mislaid affections.  Only that Father love that waits patiently for me to turn off the ipad and the satellite and the cell phone so that by abiding with him my heart can learn to value Forever. 

  1 John 2:15-17

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Deafening Silence

In a single second my life has been radically altered.  My precious gift from God, sweet Makiah Kaitlyn, has gone to be with Jesus long before her time.  I know in my heart that she is happy, but my arms are so empty... my house so dreadfully quiet.  I feel at times that a horrible blackness has enveloped me.  I feel as though my insides are screaming.  I am clawing and fighting to break out of this torturous body- to escape from this oppressive reality, but I cannot escape.  The dark anguish leaps on me again and again.  It sits on my chest and presses against my very life breath.  My heart feels utterly crushed and broken- pummeled into a thousand pieces.  Life as I knew it has been shattered and the shards that are left are painful and sharp.  Cutting me as I try to walk through them.  This is the valley of the shadow of death.  How dark is that shadow! Her room is perfectly untouched.  All of the dolls in her dollhouse family are piled into their little bed together where she lef
Post a Comment
Read more

Toes

Outside the sky is grey and dreary.  I feel it should rain torrents today.  I think the whole earth should cry out in grief.  I feel my heart pounding in my head.  My eyes will barely open, and I think no more tears can possibly come.  Maybe I will stand in the rain and borrow the tears from the sky. I look down at sparkly pink toes, and they are lonely.  Makiah, our last Sunday together you spent the morning in bed with Mommy (because I am on bed rest).  We ate fruit loops and snuggled.  We practiced drawing your letters and painted our fingers and toes.  You wanted rainbow toes, but I didn't have the colors with me.  I promised I'd paint you rainbow toes later.  Once we were all pink you said, "I got an idea!  Let's put sparklies over the pink, and you have to do it, too, Mommy, so we can be twins!"  You are such a princess!  So pink toes became sparkly toes.  We giggled and hugged and admired our matching feet. Now mine sit all alone.  Ten toes that should
Post a Comment
Read more

Wells of Living Water

My eyes filled with tears when my mother-n-law told me of her friend's idea.  This sweet lady, whom I've never met, wanted to know if she could do something special in honor of Makiah.  She said God had put it on her heart to start a well project for her.  She would sell "living water well charms" through Operation Blessing International to raise money to build a well for underprivelaged children in a poverty stricken country.  She said when 600 charms have been purchased, a well with a permanent plaque would be built to commemorate Makiah's life.  Not only was this an amazing idea, it was linked to my daughter's heart in a way that shocked me... What this thoughtful lady could not have known was that only 2 weeks before the accident, Makiah came into the kitchen on a Sunday morning carrying her whole piggy bank.  She told me she wanted to take it all to "give to the kids who need clean water."  The preschool class at church had been raising money
Post a Comment
Read more