Skip to main content

Matters of the Heart

“Look at me, Mama!” exclaims my excited four year old as she flips onto the couch.  “Now look at me!!” insists the bouncy six year old doing cartwheels across the living room. And so it goes as the 7 year olds chime in, too.  Each precious little heart eager for recognition.  For admiration.  For someone bigger who loves them to have their eyes on them.  To notice.  To encourage.  To answer that question inside that wants to know if they are special.   If they are worth my attention.

So often I see a reflection of myself in my littles.  If I will take the time to notice.  But it’s more than just taking the time that brings it to light.  It’s something about the Presence.  When my worship music is playing, and I sense God’s presence it lights up my heart.  It illuminates.  And then it becomes clear.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  It’s no secret to those who know me that my personality tends towards being a people pleaser, but it’s not until His illuminating presence comes that I realize it is more than just the desire to please.  It’s the desire for more than that.  And it’s painful to type, but maybe you will see a little of this in yourself if I admit it first.  

As the light shines on that longing, I find myself asking God to change my heart.   And I sense a quick response that the desire itself is not evil.  Just misplaced.   It is the direction that I need to repent of. There is a deep longing for validation that we all carry from the time we begin to interact with the world.  It morphs and changes as we grow, but it does not leave us. It’s a craving that no amount of human admiration will ever fill.  

And if our source of validation is others, what happens when God calls us to do something unpopular?  Something those around us have opinions about.  Some sort of setting aside or digging deep or stretching of our character or pouring out of ourselves that they may not understand- that we may not understand, but He has asked us for obedience.  What then?  Will we crumple or push those whisperings in our heart aside?   Will we assume we heard wrong and stick our heads in the sand?  As if God can’t see our hearts?

The strength to hear and obey comes when we enter into that place with God where His perfect love drives out all fear.  All insecurities.  Second guessing.  Self doubt.  And we feel His care and validation wrapping around us and making us whole.  Those voices will still come, and I do believe courage is “doing it afraid” sometimes.  But once we have tasted and we yield our hearts, we know where to run back to.  And the path will become more familiar, perhaps more well worn, and our tendencies to turn there will become stronger.  

As we step into February, let’s be like little children and ask Daddy God to tell us what He thinks.  Let’s determine to take the time away from social media to open His love letter to us and hear Him whisper His promises to our hearts.  His thoughts towards you are good.  I know because I’ve read it. 



"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear... " 1 John 4:18


"As for me I behold Your face in righteousness; when I awake, I will be satisfied with Your presence."  Psalm 17:15

They sometimes all shout at once...
"Look at me!!!" 



"But to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God--"    John 1:12
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Deafening Silence

In a single second my life has been radically altered.  My precious gift from God, sweet Makiah Kaitlyn, has gone to be with Jesus long before her time.  I know in my heart that she is happy, but my arms are so empty... my house so dreadfully quiet.  I feel at times that a horrible blackness has enveloped me.  I feel as though my insides are screaming.  I am clawing and fighting to break out of this torturous body- to escape from this oppressive reality, but I cannot escape.  The dark anguish leaps on me again and again.  It sits on my chest and presses against my very life breath.  My heart feels utterly crushed and broken- pummeled into a thousand pieces.  Life as I knew it has been shattered and the shards that are left are painful and sharp.  Cutting me as I try to walk through them.  This is the valley of the shadow of death.  How dark is that shadow! Her room is perfectly untouched.  All of the dolls in her dollhou...
Post a Comment
Read more

Toes

Outside the sky is grey and dreary.  I feel it should rain torrents today.  I think the whole earth should cry out in grief.  I feel my heart pounding in my head.  My eyes will barely open, and I think no more tears can possibly come.  Maybe I will stand in the rain and borrow the tears from the sky. I look down at sparkly pink toes, and they are lonely.  Makiah, our last Sunday together you spent the morning in bed with Mommy (because I am on bed rest).  We ate fruit loops and snuggled.  We practiced drawing your letters and painted our fingers and toes.  You wanted rainbow toes, but I didn't have the colors with me.  I promised I'd paint you rainbow toes later.  Once we were all pink you said, "I got an idea!  Let's put sparklies over the pink, and you have to do it, too, Mommy, so we can be twins!"  You are such a princess!  So pink toes became sparkly toes.  We giggled and hugged and admired our matching fe...
1 comment
Read more

Wells of Living Water

My eyes filled with tears when my mother-n-law told me of her friend's idea.  This sweet lady, whom I've never met, wanted to know if she could do something special in honor of Makiah.  She said God had put it on her heart to start a well project for her.  She would sell "living water well charms" through Operation Blessing International to raise money to build a well for underprivelaged children in a poverty stricken country.  She said when 600 charms have been purchased, a well with a permanent plaque would be built to commemorate Makiah's life.  Not only was this an amazing idea, it was linked to my daughter's heart in a way that shocked me... What this thoughtful lady could not have known was that only 2 weeks before the accident, Makiah came into the kitchen on a Sunday morning carrying her whole piggy bank.  She told me she wanted to take it all to "give to the kids who need clean water."  The preschool class at church had been raising mon...
Post a Comment
Read more