The Lies We Believe Post #5

Our guest blogger today is someone I am soooo thankful God brought into my life!  She has earned her doctorate, birthed four littles, and juggles work, babies, and life with such grace!  And the best part is she is married to my brother so I get to call her family and a dear friend!  She opens up today in the hope that you, too, will see that perhaps God is calling you step outside of your own comfort zone and embrace the life he has for you more fully...


This is Just The Way I Am (and How I Recognized This Lie)

Have you ever felt uneasy in life? Like disgruntled about where you are yet unable to pinpoint the issue, much less to change? Maybe you’ve had a feeling that something is off but don’t know why or how? Yeah. Me too. And it started with my bubble…

I like my bubble. It’s my safe place. Dare I say, my “personal space,” which is really another way of saying: “I don’t do touch. Stay back.” It’s been this way ever since I can remember. This was my way of keeping people at a distance, not allowing anyone too close. I told myself things like: “I am not a touchy person.” And “This is just the way I am!” and it all seemed to justify my right to stay in my own little bubble.

I kept people at arm’s length to protect myself (read: to avoid rejection) and called it an aversion to touch. It wasn’t until my thirty-third birthday that I actually realized I had a pet lie that I’d been harboring for far too many years. I had believed that this was just the way I was. In a way, the lie I was believing was allowing me the false freedom to continue in my habit and to not look critically at what was happening in my life and to my family. However, I felt increasingly emotionally detached from my precious children. There was little joy in being in their presence, from being their mom. I knew in my heart that there must be more to this gig (I mean, Jesus came that we might have L I F E in abundance!), but I was deceived by the lie that staying in my bubble was safer than opening my arms (and my heart!) to my family. It's safe to keep people at a distance. Or so I thought. 

“Mama is all touched out,” I would hear my husband tell our children to back away from me. This made me sad, yet I felt stuck...like this was just who I was so there wasn’t any way I could be anything different. Unfortunately, being blind to this lie cost me. Not only did it cost me by robbing me of my joy as a mother, but it also cost my family. We were missing out on significant moments of connection with each other. There was an absence of warmth and joy in my heart that could come from truly knowing each of my children and my husband. And, I was not allowing them to fully know me!  What the Lord revealed to me through these uneasy feelings and subsequent prayers asking for answers was that I had a not-yet-surrendered area in my life that needed to come under His Lordship!

I grew sober as I realized the gravity of this lie as it played out in my life over the years. So much felt at stake if I didn’t change. Yet, it seemed that this mountain in front of me was too big. How could I change if I’d always been this way? Did I want to change? I had grown accustomed to my safe little bubble that included me, myself, and I.

I guess you could say that the Emperor and I had a lot in common.

Underneath the Surface

Meanwhile, behind the scenes of my life, the Enemy had been employing one of the oldest tricks in the book: accusing me that this was how I am, and that my pet lie was harmless, it kept me safe. See, he tries to put us on the sidelines of life by accusing our personhood, our souls (Rev. 12:10). 

What does this look like?

For many, it looks like sneaky little lies that don’t seem all that much like actual lies. It can come across as ways of being that seem to have always been that way. Perhaps you have always been critical, it’s just the way you are. Or, maybe you’ve always been indifferent, it’s just the way you are. Or, maybe you, like me, simply don’t like being close to others. That’s just the way you’ve always been. As a wife, a mother, no --as a human, this lie is deadly. 

We do not have to be trapped in the lie that we are bound by these accusations. There is only One who is immutable – and that is God. Newsflash: we are so not God. We can change! The truth is that He will help us. By the grace and power of Christ in us! When we feel that we are stuck and change eludes us, we can call on God to help us, to change us. 

After seeing the lack of joy in my home life, I began to ask the Lord to help. And, you know what? It was as glamourous as this: 

“Lord. Help.” 

Honestly, I didn’t know what else to ask of the Lord or what I needed in order to change. All I knew was that I couldn’t go on holding my family at arm’s length. Short, honest breath-prayers. “Lord” (breath in); “Help” (breath out). It wasn’t an in-the-moment or overnight transformation. It’s been gradual, subtle, and unsuspecting. There have been moments, so many moments, of my children cuddling up to me or my husband pulling me close, that I’ve said over and over and over again in my head “Lord, help. Lord, help.”

You know what?! These breath-prayers have had a significant impact. As I’ve opened myself to my family and laid down my right (my pet lie) to have my own “bubble,” I’ve experienced a growing nearness to the Lord. As I’ve allowed the Lord to penetrate all the places of my heart, there is an overflow that spills into all areas of my life. Isn’t that just how He works? See! He is making all things new, even the dry and dead places of my heart that I had thought were just the way I was (“no touchy”). He revealed the lie as a protective strategy and is walking alongside me helping me to change moment-by-moment. “Lord” (breath in); “Help” (breath out).

What Now?

Perhaps you feel that something is off in your own life and it seems that underneath the surface more is at play. Maybe you’re tempted to believe a lie about who you are, and you feel stuck. I’ve found that the first step to moving forward doesn’t have to be a grand one. Start by asking. Then resisting.

ASK. Patterns of behaviors or habits formed over years tend to be deep-seated and rooted in places we may not even be aware of. Something may feel “off” in your own life but you aren’t sure exactly what it is or where the change needs to come. Ask the Lord to reveal it to you! This may feel uncomfortable as you continuously submit all areas of your heart to Him. Rest in His love. He has searched you and knows you (Ps. 139:1). He will faithfully bring hidden lies to the light when we call on Him. Thankfully after 33 years when I finally asked the Lord what was going on (why the emotional disconnect with my children?!) the Lord revealed the lie I had believed that my behavior was “just the way I am.” 

RESIST. The Bible says to resist the devil and he will flee (James 4:7). On my thirty-third birthday this looked like recognizing my need for change, staring the lie that “this is just the way I am” in the face, and resisting the enemy each time he tempted me to retreat into my bubble in order to protect myself (rather than entrust my relationships to the Lord). I had to believe and trust that God is near. He will help. His word promises that if we draw near, he will draw near. 

As I’ve continued to surrender my bubble to the Lord and submit to His Lordship, I’ve experienced joy in ways I couldn’t have imagined two years ago (yes, it’s been a two-years-and-counting process…). I find myself now reaching for my family and opening my arms to them for their embrace. In fact, it still surprises me. They have also been quick to help me learn and grow in this area, for which I am incredibly grateful! The Lord knew just what He was doing when He put them in my life.

Celebrating the birth of our littlest gift in December 2019!!